How Fast Can a Month Go?
For the last while I have been very busy. By busy, I really mean I have been learning the art of relaxing, and not stressing about things that are uncontrollable. It is surprising how society forms you to believe you do not have purpose if you are not busy. Being brought up with this idea that I am not being a productive member of society when I am not actively participating in a constructive social convention has brought a lot of issues for learning a system of releasing anxiousness. I have now been living in The Netherlands for a month. It does not feel like I have been here that long at all! When I look back at this past month, I have realized that I have done a lot, but also I have learned a lot about being okay with not doing the expected. I haven't had a job since June, and it has been a weird 3 months of not working/being in school.
Tomorrow I start my first class at Utrecht. I am excited, but also nervous about what emotions and habits will stem from the educational system. Already I have noticed some anti-social behaviours I had previously adopted in my undergrad arising in my decisions. A judgement toward the mandatory social events the school arranged for orientation, wanting to spend my time alone writing lists and checking the boxes, and not listening to the people I care about. Thankfully I am forced to interact with people due to the patterns I have created over the last month.
Furthermore, despite my best efforts of being alone, I am living with an amazing family who invites me to be part of their family. Today I made an extensive list to complete, and half way through my activities they caught me at the door and asked me to play a game. I said yes to combat my anti-social tendencies, and had a wonderful hour playing "A Ticket to Ride" and "Ligretto" (the Dutch version of Dutch Blitz...ironic...I know), and although it is a little later than anticipated, I have still completed everything.
Last weekend I went to London (I will post a whole story and photo album of that time later), and started reading a book called "The Passion of the Western Mind". I have this book from the history of psychology class from my undergrad. Reading it again has made me realize the amount of material I do not appreciate due to my lack of presentness (is that a word?). My goal for the next month is to be present in the material I am learning.
It has been a month, but it has been a good month. I still cry when I think about my cats missing me, and me missing them. I still wish I could go for family walks with my sister and brother-in-law. I often find myself wanting to text my best friend and ask her to hangout with me, or to go to some obscure activity with me. Knowing that all of these things are not possible breaks my heart, but at the same time, I know being here is where I need to be. I know I would probably be miserable in Edmonton without a job. This place has been my dream for a long time, and it is now a reality. Maybe next month will be better. Maybe next month will be worse. The great thing is, despite being away from a group of people I love and who loves me, I am surrounded by another group who loves me and I love back.
Stay tuned for London. It was a wild ride but so worth it!
Also! I got a Netherlands phone number now! If you would like it, feel free to ask and I'll send it over!
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